


this isn’t real (i just want to feel)

by CharlieQuinn



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Episode: s06e07 Once More With Feeling, Inspired by Music, M/M, Walk Through the Fire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-16
Updated: 2013-02-16
Packaged: 2017-11-29 13:18:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/687387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharlieQuinn/pseuds/CharlieQuinn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>andrew thinks he might be dreaming</p>
            </blockquote>





	this isn’t real (i just want to feel)

andrew isn’t sure if he’s dreaming. he thinks he might be, because Warren is here, and Warren is telling andrew he loves him. he doesn’t actually recall Warren saying that a whole lot.

but wait, Warren’s dead.

then he realises that Warren’s a pretty smart guy. he bets that that whole dying thing was just a ploy. he’s not really dead, he’s just x-men dead. which means not dead at all, unless you count everything after the legacy virus being cured, in which case dead meant dead in the marvel u.

what was he talking about?

Warren.

of course. always Warren. he’s come from the grave much graver.

andrew loves Warren, but he’s not one hundred per cent sure if Warren loves him back. he almost said it, once. andrew replays the memory in his head every night before going to sleep, like a copy of next gen on the new dvd boxsets. he doesn’t like mexico, likes sharing a bed with jonathan even less than that, but the memories help. he remembers when Warren almost let three words slip. jonathan was at the lair, they were in the van. Warren was not just the first boy andrew had kissed, he was the first anything he’d kissed, and to be fair, andrew was not that interested in kissing girls. Warren had his hands, firm hands, andrew remembers, nice and firm, had his hands on andrew’s hips, fingers digging in hard enough that it would leave five small bruises on eachthigh later. Warren kissed him a lot, and licked him, and smelt and tasted and andrew still blushed and felt giddy and wanted to giggle when he thought of what Warren’s hands could do to him.

that day, in the van, Warren was less gentle than he usually was, and grabbed without asking, and pushed without apologizing, and when it was all over, andrew felt slightly dirty, and used, more like a play thing, like a robot, than Warren’s actual proper honest to god boyfriend. but Warren had grabbed his head, and lightly dropped kissed a kiss on andrew’s sweating forehead. “goddamnit, i lov…” he said, before catching himself and quickly untangling his limbs and not talking for the rest of the day.

he didn’t have to say it, andrew thinks smugly, i know that he did. what they did caused a spark.

so the next time, when Warren shows, andrew isn’t as confused. Warren wants something, wants andrew to do something for him, and he feels his heart swell at the thought that he’s been entrusted with Warren’s special mission, like Warren’s voice is calling him through smoke. he won’t let andrew touch him, though, and he’s a bit more bossy than he used to be, a bit less tolerant, but andrew thinks of that day in the van, and thinks, he was like that that day as well. but really, it wouldn’t matter if Warren showed up and asked him to come along and blow up the world for him, build a death star or a sun crusher, because it was Warren, and if there was anything Warren wanted, andrew would do it without question, just to see Warren smile. Warren doesn’t really smile, though, but andrew feels saved, and tries not to notice his heart breaking when Warren melts away.

when Warren details his plans about killing jonathan, opening this sealy thing, and telling andrew that they’ll all be as gods, andrew nods his head, sighs with relief at the thought of the endless days on the run finally ending in a blaze, but gets this little nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach. he almost thinks that this might not be Warren. he quickly dismisses that thought – this is Warren, Warren loves him, Warren’s the smart one, the leader, he knows what’s best – but it comes back from time to time, stronger than before and more insistent.

in the moment andrew pulls the knife from jonathan’s body and pushes his friend onto the sealy thing, he thinks, what have i done? That thought wrestles with the more powerful one, the thought screaming ‘Warren!’ but something clicks inside of andrew in that moment. he doesn’t want jonathan to die – where else can he turn? he puts his hand down on jonathan’s body and it squelches in the hot blood pouring from the open wound in jonathan’s back. did he kill jonathan to save him? or was it the other way around. his fingers are burning with guilt and remorse.

it’s so hot, andrew thinks, the crimson dripping off his fingers. it’s so hot, it’s like fire. why isn’t his skin burning? turning to blisters, cracking, peeling?

andrew looks up into not-Warren’s eyes. the blood freezes him.

he looks at the blood – on the seal, on his fingers, on jonathan – and it seems to be less red and more black, staining his fingers and into his soul, like the black oil on the x-files, seeping through that kid’s shoes and covering alex krycek’s eyes.

not-Warren nods encouragingly at him. andrew closes his eyes and moans softly to himself. this isn’t real! he almost screams. but when he opens his eyes back up, all he can see is Warren, and he thinks back to thatday in the van when Warren almost said it, and andrew thinks, i don’t care it’s not real.

he just wants to feel.

he just wants Warren back.


End file.
